So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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