That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
