She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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