The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize