the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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