Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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