you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
