All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
