I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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