week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
