This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
