dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
