Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Someone shattered a urinal.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
