I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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