just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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