You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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