that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
