If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
