I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
