hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
