you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
