Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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