I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
