Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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