Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
