Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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