turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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