Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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