I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
