Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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