if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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