you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
