i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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