why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
