Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
