you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
