There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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