Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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