mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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