I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
