he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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