I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
