Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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