Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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