I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
