Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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