she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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