At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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