Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
