just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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