all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
