Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
