Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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