kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
