He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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