omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
it's great music for shaving your balls
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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