I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Don't make out with my wife yet
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
