Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
