I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
