You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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