I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
