Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.

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(713): View more from Texas

I looked at my own cervix.

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(810): View more from Michigan

kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.

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(425): View more from Washington

Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.

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(225): View more from Louisiana

ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.

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(816): View more from Missouri

he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.

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(503): View more from Oregon

And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms

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(810): View more from Michigan

He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself

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