I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
