I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
